QUEST?ONs W!tH NO ANsWERS....

does every action you take need to have a reason behind it?... logic explaining why you did it?... or is your instinct screaming out loud, good enough?...

does everything you do have to follow the norms of the society?... what if you can make sense out of it and noone else can understand?... is that good enough?...

does loving someone have to be treated as a game?... Do we have to think before we express the love?... why can't it just be natural?... why does loving someone unconditionally scares them away?...

why does a girl need to resist a guy if she loves him, just to show people she is "not cheap"?... why does she need to resist her feelings for the sake of "playing hard to get"?... why is loving someone percieved as a task... and not something that comes so naturally?

does a person have the capability of turning their life around?... do they have the capability of making it beautiful?... or is it about the way one percieves life as?...

what makes more sense?... to be with someone who loves you.... or to be with the person you love...?... what if the person you love does not love you back?... or even respects you?... is it the end of the world!!!!?....

how can we know whether you love someone or whether its just lust?... what is stronger?... lust or love?!... or neither... or both?.....

does any of these thoughts matter?.... does any of these thoughts have one specific answer?... is there a right or wrong answer?... or IS there a specific answer to ANY question?... aren't these answers just OPINIONS?... THOUGHTS?... PERCEPTIONS?... hmmm....

NUMB... SO NUMB...

just so much in me... so much confusion...

so much of everything... so much emotions...

yet am numb... so numb... clueless and numb....

too much emotions...

its trapped... like a lump ... holding it all in...

cant breathe it in... cant breathe it out...

its there...

and too much emotions...
swelling.... swelling inside....

im gonna burst...

but the lump...

its there....
and am numb....

so numb...

numb...

(blank)

like the system falling out of place…
like the puzzle being unscrambled…
like a heart being ripped into pieces…
like a volcano erupting…
like a fire losing its heat, burning all into ashes…
like a mind losing all its memory…
like a white paper turning yellow…
like a door losing all the screws holding it in place…
like a sweetness turning sour…
like a five year old losing her favorite yellow blankie AND her teddy bear…
like a flower losing its petals… scent… color…
like a world with no air to breathe…
like a table losing its lines…
like a pillow turning hard… as a hard as a brick..
like a house with no door…
like a tear without a meaning…
like butterfly losing its wings…
like a truth with moments of lies…
like a sentence without any space…
like a star fading away …
like a feeling with no emotions…
like a beat losing its composer..
like a word without any consonants…
like a break with no benefits…
like a fall losing its height…
like a world exploding into emptiness…

SELF-PORTRAIT

me, myself and I...

cracking the shell...

an escape into reality...

why am i being forced to come out..?

maybe am happy in my nutshell...

dont break them... dont force me out...

i may glow inside...

its cos i am comfy within my walls...

so dont crack my shell... please...

you may not like what u find...

bittersweet memories...

many many years ago...

{it was a night... we were in a taxi... he was holding my hands.. playing with it... clasping it in his... felt tingles all over... his hand moved to my hair... he seemed like he was caressing each strand... with so much care... as if he was memorizing the length... the shape... the colour of each strand... felt tingles all over... then we were there... home... so soon.. time flashed by so fast... with a blink of an eye... and then just with a blink of an eye... i felt his lips on my cheek... my left cheek... my first kiss... i felt myself melt... i felt him melt... no... no fireworks... not yet... speechless were both of us... i went in... got to the phone... called him... until this moment... his voice stuck in my ears... he said... "i love u so so much"....}

A PIECE OF ME ...

once again am off....

[start]

... far away where i think... where the wind blows in my face and i feel the blood rushing into my head.. and i think... think about everything i need to think about... about what i dont wanna think about... things that i have blocked in my head.. and i cant stop the flow... then i see the waves rushing around... surging against the speedboat... i see the horizon... tiny dots of land in the mist... and another surge of waves... and then i see them... dolphins... i call them hope... i tell myself.. its gonna be a good day!!... and ... another surge of waves... they are gone... i start thinking again... i look down... i try to find my reflection... just white bubbles?? ... theres a reflection... noo... not of me... of the sun... within the milky bubbles theres this golden ball... looking right at me... blocking my reflection... i start thinking again... stupid of me ... trying to find myself... through the waves... through the bubbles... through the golden speck... trying to find myself... and then i laugh at myself... but still i keep searching... searching through the waves... through the bubbles... through the golden speck... searching for myself... no sign at all... i look awaay... into the horizon.. i can no longer see the tiny dots of land... just a straight line... no life... no hope... i look away... i think again... hmm... my mind is blank but am thinking.... thinking about nothing... all is calm... like in another distant world... an alien world... just myself... oooh... such bliss... please dont come for me.... i dont wanna be rescued....

[end]

... see you ... when i rescue myself ...